Dan Wye’s top 5 Edinburgh dating tips
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Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Dan Wye is coming to Edinburgh Fringe with two shows, Dan Wye Am I Sam Smith? and Séayoncé: She Must Be Hung! These are their top five surprisingly useful Fringe dating tips (Dan: “the only time I will be giving just the tip”).
By Dan Wye
1. Be careful who you hook up with! If you’re an artist, it is not chic to get with anyone in your team. Drunkenly snogging your flyerer outside the Assembly Artist bar will not help sell your show. An intimate relationship with your tech/ front of house will only become a badly written Hollyoaks omnibus. It is scientifically proven that male comedian will be selfish in bed! It is best to stay celibate and focused, the only thing screwing you during the Edinburgh Fringe should be your internal demons… and trust me when I say… they will screw you good. If you’re a spectator at the festival, aim high. To make sure you get the best anecdote, flirt with people who have been on TV. No one will care if you have a holiday romance with some European mime act (no offense to all the European mime acts… actually, full offense to all the European mime acts).
2. Having a date walking up Arthur's Seat will not be the romantic experience you think it will be…baby it’s a hike. Rambling up that little mountain with someone you drunkenly kissed on the cobbled streets outside a kebab shop, will not be like a scene from “One Day”. You will be cold, out of breath, surrounded by tourists and literally thousands of flies. Cosplaying Duke of Edinburgh (DofE) does not equal romcom. Either touch grass or touch ass — don’t combine them.
3. Go see as many drag kings as possible! Warning: you will fall deeply in love with 95% of them. There is nothing closer to joyous infatuation than indulging in the pure talent and sexual prowess of the drag king community. They will make every straight male performer seem like a wet scrunched up flyer for a university production of Checkhov’s Seagull left by a bin. You can normally find these Gods hanging out near the Potterrow Underpass. Of course, it goes without saying you can admire these kings but that doesn’t mean you can physically interact with them without consent. Give these divine kings the respect they absolutely deserve and in return you will once again feel like a bubbling enchanted hormonal teen…Ah to be young again!
4. Be wary of the clown boys! It is a rite of passage to fancy the beautiful Fringe clown boys… but proceed with caution. Their charm and boy-like wonder will pull you in like a bottle of poppers opened on the dancefloor of a gay bar… and it will equally be more than an eye-opening experience. You will get your heart broken, I repeat you will get your heart broken, but if you live for the drama go get it girl!
5. You’re not in a film! If you are on a date don’t try to recreate some low budget Netflix original film by singing with the busker or dancing with the street performer. It will not be the moment you think it is, just let the girl sing Amy Winehouse’s ‘Valerie’ without the support of a community outreach choir led by you. Go get a hog roast roll from Oink (not sponsored) and then go see a terrible play… nothing brings you closer together than watching theatre that makes you think “defund the arts”.
Dan Wye is at Edinburgh Fringe with two shows: ‘Dan Wye Am I Sam Smith?’ runs at Pleasance Courtyard (Bunker One) from Jul 31-Aug 25th (except 4th, 11th and 18th). ‘Séayoncé: She Must Be Hung!’ is at Assembly George Square Gardens (Piccolo) on Aug 12-13th, 19-20th & 25th. Tickets here and here
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2024:
