Chelsea Birkby: Are you an oversharer? Take the quiz!
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Chelsea Birkby is back at Edinburgh Fringe with her show This is Life, Cheeky Cheeky. And she’s created a handy quiz for you to work out how mentally ill you are..
By Chelsea Birkby
What’s sexier? Revealing all? Or, leaving something to the imagination? Chelsea Birkby is here with her mental illness quiz, so find out if you’re an oversharer right now!
A co-worker asks “How was your weekend?” Do you:
A. Say “Yeah, good thanks! You?”
B. Talk about the weather. “Amazing! Factor 50 ON! It’s like being on me holibobs.”
C. Tell them about how you posted on Reddit for the first time. Specifically, you posted a picture of your waist because you’re not sure if you have abs. You think you might do but like magic eye abs, you can only see them if you blur your eyes and rock back and forth and you don’t know if that counts. Also, you’ve only been doing home workouts cause the gym scares you so you might not be doing it right as sometimes only your neck hurts. But the front. You never miss throat day! You can’t trust your loved ones to give you the truth about whether or not you have abs because you know they want to please you. And they’ve made it clear they worry about you. So you do the only reasonable thing and ask r/gains. And you get 200 replies. And some people say “For sure. Abs goals”, others say “Keep going, they’ll come” and one person says “No. Your visceral fat just gathers where abs would be”.
A shop assistant asks you if you need any help today. Do you:
A. Say “No, I’m good thanks”
B. Laugh and ask “Where are the shorts, please? It’s gams season!” and high-five them
C. Lean forward and whisper “Yes. Yes actually. What would you do in this position: someone on Reddit DMed you saying ‘Abs on their way, kween’, and you reply ‘Really? I hope so’ and they shoot back with ‘Not being weird but would you sell pics’ and you replied by asking what they’d want exactly and they said ‘Panties or swimsuit haha’ And you asked ‘how much for?’ And they said $20. And you said ‘What if my face was in it?’ And they said $15. And you said ‘Would you like to know anything about me like my political views etc or personality etc?’ and they said ‘No that wouldn’t be necessary’.’”
Your Auntie is in town and wants to meet up for coffee. Do you:
A. Make time for a quick latte on your lunch break. She’s a nice lady.
B. Take the afternoon off to take her to your favourite independent coffee place and insist on wine soon. That mad bastard loves her wine!!!
C. LIFT UP YOUR TOP AND ASK HER POINT BLANK YES OR NO - DO YOU HAVE ABS. When she looks startled you say ‘CUT THE BULLSHIT’. Check if she also feels that ‘Your boobs had to die so that your abs could live’ as bear1638 says and if she thinks it appropriate for them to be saying ‘Their sacrifice will not be forgotten?’. When it comes to the bill you can’t help but see it as 0.8 of a waist photo (pre tax). You ask her if she sees herself as a mind, a body, or an embodied mind or other. You ask her if she’s happy about being a mother and when she knew it was the right choice. You ask her what she thinks her primal wound is. You tell her you love her and not just because of her perfect hair.
Mostly ‘A’s?
Wow, you’re one cool cucumber. You keep your cards close to your chest. Just remember to let your hair down sometimes, people want to connect with you, so risk letting them in.
Mostly ‘B’s?
Is your name on the deed poll Miss/Mr/Ms/Mx Smooth or what? You know how to play it just right. No one has ever said about you “What the fuck is wrong with them?”. Everyone likes you the right amount and respects you. Nice work! You’re probably someone who can do drugs in a fun way!
Mostly ‘C’s?
Clean up on aisle 4! Clean up on aisle 4! Someone get a mop because I think you probably just spilled the beans knowing you. I hope your friends like beans! And if they don’t you can tell them they’re a great vegan source of protein which is handy especially if you’re, for example, trying to get abs.
Chelsea Birkby: This is Life, Cheeky Cheeky runs at Just The Tonic at the Caves (Just Out of the Box) from August 1-25th (except 12), 9.20pm. Tickets here
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2024:
