Mustafa Algiyadi: A front row seat to the Judgement Day budget cuts
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Mustafa Algiyadi is debuting at Edinburgh Fringe this year with Almost Legal Alien. Here, he gives us unique behind-the-scenes access beyond the pearly gates as austerity hits the heavens.
By Mustafa Algiyadi
In celestial skies, an unexpected commotion was brewing. The heavenly council, comprising God and his trusted angels, gathered to address a recent stir caused by a leaked document from the earthly tabloid, LMAOnaise. This document hinted at budget cuts for the upcoming Judgment Day celebrations, sparking panic and concerns among the angels.
God: "Alright, everyone, let's settle down. I know you've all heard about the leak from the earthly LMAOnaise regarding budget cuts for Judgment Day celebrations. I want to address your concerns and clear the air."
Angel Gabriel: "God, is it true that instead of golden trumpets, we'll be using kazoos? I mean, I haven't played one since angel kindergarten!"
God: "Gabriel, I promise you, the kazoos are just a backup plan. Besides, kazoos can add a bit of whimsy to the proceedings, don't you think? Imagine the look on the humans' faces!"
Archangel Michael: "And what's this about the celestial banquet being downgraded to a potluck? My mom's gonna make her famous haggis pie, but I don't think that's what people were expecting."
God: "Michael, your mom’s haggis pie is legendary. But let's be honest, who doesn’t love a good potluck? It's a community event! Plus, we get to see what humans might be brining"
Angel Raphael: "I've heard we’re replacing the chariots of fire with rental scooters. Is this for real?"
God: "Yes, Raphael, rental scooters. It’s all part of our new 'Go Green in Heaven' initiative. It was quite popular on the last Judgement Day. We need to keep the hype.
Angel Ariel: "But what about the traditional fireworks display? Please don’t tell me that’s been cut too!"
God: "Oh, Ariel, I would never deprive you all of fireworks. We’re just adding a twist – sparkler dance-offs! It's interactive and way more fun. Trust me, you'll love it."
Angel Uriel: "And what about the entertainment? Is it true that the Celestial Stand-Up comedy show with Stewart Lee is not happening anymore?"
God: "Indeed, but we have a Libyan comedian instead."
Angel Zadkiel: "Is it the one who debuted his hour at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2024 and immediately afterwards…"
God: "Yes, Zadkiel, that is the one, and we are not going to talk about it."
All Angels: dancing frantically "Alright, God. You’ve convinced us. We’re in!"
God: "Great! Now, let’s get ready to make this Judgment Day the best one yet. Bring the Prosecco!"
Mustafa Algiyadi: Almost Legal Alien is at Just the Tonic Nucleus (Just the Sub-Atomic Room) from Aug 1-25th (except 12th), 4:30pm. Tickets here
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