“You’ll have to see the show! No, but seriously – I told you that’s not my card! Wait no way, hang on why are you taking your sock off? No way! Oh my God! Yes! That is my card! “

“They're just singer-songwriters trying to make their art. Their voices are so powerful they move people to tears and madness. It's not the Sirens' fault if audiences are losing their minds.”

“Having up to that point been just a regular organic human, Bob Dylan had his internal organs and central nervous system replaced by electronic circuitry at great expense to both himself and the US national grid.”

“Francisco de Nata is no ordinary giraffe. He’s got a long neck full of dreams, a heart bubbling with custard, and a special love for his Avó (Grandma), whose secret recipe changed his life forever…”

“Things have changed a lot since the distant past, most notably since 1896 when Athens first introduced the “modern” concept of the “Fringe”. With groovy new venues such as “big pool”, “running track” and “velodrome”. And PR and marketing stunts such as BIG TORCH and BIG RINGS.”

“‘Sorry about him, Rohan’s got a cruel wit,” Dan says as he hoists his body off the table and onto a kitchen chair. ‘Shall we start the interview?’ He fuses his head with his body. My god they’re good at magic.”

“Love Actually is high. Inception is low. Films and TV shows about divorce are for adults. Films and TV shows about planet bleep bloop are for children.”

“Becoming a monetary wizard was actually quite hard. I had to scrub the shoes of the more senior wizards, I gave up my evenings to count gold pieces in merchant stores in places I’d never been before. Places like Staines.”

Cabbage that Clown presents their magical movie masterpiece, binbags, exclusively screening on LMAOnaise

“The king wandered the streets and inns and markets. He was surprised that, without his crown on his head, no one seemed to know who he was. After searching and searching and finding nothing, he noticed the sun had nearly set so he raced back to the castle. But it was too late…”

Rohan Sharma, Daniel McKeon, Shalaka Kurup, Sharon Wanjohi and Marty Gleeson reveal their childhood imaginary friends to Su Mi

“It’s the Fringe again and, while it’s easy to get bogged down in anxieties about tickets, costs, show option paralysis and Scottish weather, it’s good to remember that, as the saying goes, there are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see them.“

“As the pressure mounts, I remind myself that people adore Alan because he was great at his job as a football player on the pitch. Everywhere else, he’s balanced, nice, and doesn’t need to stay up all night in the Pleasance Courtyard.”

“You think you fancy them when they are doing their talent, then you meet them and realise it was only their talent you liked and you don’t actually want them to show you any tricks with their wand. “

“I love slime. I think it’s magic. It’s full of meaning but is also just fun to play with. It’s innocent and childish, it’s terrifying and disgusting. It’s uncontainable, it’s sexy, it’s stupid, it’s completely inconvenient. Aspirational, tbh.”

“I’ve got severe hay fever but as they say: ‘To love is to suffer’. They also say: ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’, so let me show you the other side.”

“Doctors don’t believe it, but if I blink four times in a mirror and yell my name backwards, it happens. It must be magic. Or whatever is cut with the black mould I keep eating.”

“I endorse this potion being amazing! I regained control of my life and started typing proficiently again. Now I am a successful CEO. I have sex with all my employees and dribble where I want.”

“You are only ever one bad life event away from paying a woman called Pauline to read you your angel cards on Zoom” - Bella Hull

Sick of city noise and grubby smut? Head to a special town - The Mayor and His Daughter want to show you around…