Fantasy Fringe

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Fantasy Fringe 〰️

We’re excited about the Edinburgh Fringe, but it’s clear it needs to change. A lot of people have a lot of ideas, but nothing has really happened yet. So we decided to ask the comedians themselves: in your fantasy, what would the Fringe look like? It might have been a mistake.

What is the most crucial way of staying healthy during Edinburgh Fringe? That’s right, it’s being as cheeky as you can as often as you can. Freya Parker has some tips on how to make this Fringe the cheekiest Fringe possible.

The rumours are true - I am a little cheeky guy. But how does one stay cheeky with all the pressures of the fringe nipping at your heels? Well my advice for any other cheeky guys out there who are worried is to try and stay healthy this August. Here’s a little snapshot of a perfect healthy day at the fringe…

I wake at 5am feeling rested, peaceful, open to new experiences. I kiss my reflection and do my affirmations (I am a cheeky guy x 10; Cheeky is what I am x10; Thou shalt not kill x 2). Then I pull on my running shoes and head out the door (I always sleep in the clothes I need for the next day to save time). I’m at the top of Arthur’s Seat in under 10 minutes, despite my digs being Leith - I’m faster than people think! Then I do some naked press ups as I take in the sunrise and mentally plan my jokes for the day.

With my show newly written (as every performer does each day), I pop on my RedBull Wingsuit and swoop back down to the streets, landing gently in a seat at the Kilimanjaro cafe where I neck 10 raw eggs. It’s only 5.30am at this point so I’ve brought the eggs myself and then I just chill waiting for the place to open, drawing eyes on the eggshells of course - never miss the chance to be cheeky, however small.

My show isn’t until early evening - 5.50pm at the Pleasance Courtyard if I had to be exact LOL - so this leaves me with lots of time to enjoy. I let the 10 eggs do their work and after a giant oat flat white, I change into the green morph suit I’ve brought with me and head straight to the Royal Mile. The atmosphere is genuinely so great down there, not only do you get the amazing historical buildings but you now get the addition of roughly 10,000 performers looking for you personally. I like to find a quiet corner and whisper some cheeky Shakespeare before handing out some flyers in slow motion for the rest of the morning - it’s great vibes plus a really great workout for my right arm and core.

With my show now sold out and all the feeling in my upper body gone, it’s time for lunch and what better than one of my own flyers which I’ve had printed on protein enriched paper. All you need is a bit of salt, pepper and privacy. I like to rest my mind now that we’re entering the afternoon, on the runway to showtime and so I head to Greyfriars Kirk churchyard to frolic among the graves and worship at the statue of Bobby, my favourite dead dog. I’m feeling good now, though the morph suit was a bad choice considering the famous extreme sun of Edinburgh.

I nip back to Leith to change into my Show Jeans, eat a loaf of bread and then off I go to the Pleasance, ready to laugh at my own jokes and hopefully make you do the same (as in my jokes not yours though we can all tell some jokes together in the bar afterwards maybe?). Post-show I spend the rest of the evening taking in the sights and enjoying shows, friends and the fact that we’re all here getting cheeky together at the greatest arts festival in the world.

Freya Parker: It Ain't Easy Being Cheeky runs at Pleasance Courtyard from August 2-27th, 5:50pm. Tickets here

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