Schalk Bezuidenhout: Where to sleep in Edinburgh (when you have no accommodation)
Fantasy Fringe
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Fantasy Fringe 〰️
Image: Marguerite van Eeden
We’re excited about the Edinburgh Fringe, but it’s clear it needs to change. A lot of people have a lot of ideas, but nothing has really happened yet. So we decided to ask the comedians themselves: in your fantasy, what would the Fringe look like? It might have been a mistake.
It’s only a matter of time before accommodation at Edinburgh Fringe becomes so unaffordable that artists can’t afford to stay in a flat or room AT ALL anymore. Here is Schalk Bezuidenhout’s top 10 places to sleep for the month.
Don’t sleep. Accommodation is often just a place to rest your head for the night, right? And if you don’t sleep… problem solved! Arrive wide awake on day one, party, perform, and then 27 days later go home. It’s how they did Fringe in the 80’s anyway.
Sleep in your venue. Other than the fact that you’re sharing it with all the other artists performing in your venue, it’s really quite convenient if you think about it. Wake up, perform, go to bed. If another artist in your venue is not sold out, which they often are not, you don’t even have to pack up your bed!
The good old fashioned sleep in your car. You’d be surprised how many empty parking lots there are in and around Edinburgh. You’ll probably need to leave the car on during the night to charge your phone and put the heater on, which will cost quite a lot in fuel… but hey! Still cheaper than a hotel!
Hit the streets. Find a cosy park bench or simply ask a Sainsburys for a nice box. Not ideal, but many people do it every day worldwide. Can you really even call yourself a street performer if you ONLY work there? Live your art!
Commute. Many people will call this crazy… But at the rate that accommodation prices are skyrocketing it might be cheaper to fly into Edinburgh from London or Spain in the morning, do your show, and fly home. You sleep in your own bed. Boom.
Start dating someone who actually lives in Edinburgh. Look, it doesn’t need to be a long term thing. People have summer flings all the time! Consider this your Fringe fling! You’re not completely using them… they get to come to your show once or twice for free. They can even bring a plus one… but no more!
Break into houses. Look, crime is never ideal. But maybe you are trained in mime and can get in and out of a house without anyone noticing. Get in, sleep on the couch, get out. It’s a victimless crime.
Only do 1 show at the Fringe. The fewer shows you do, the less accommodation you need to find and pay for. Maybe you’ve built up a bit of a fan base over the years? If you’re selling 50 tickets for 27 shows that’s 1350 tickets baby!!! So you come on over, 1500 seater, one night only. Who knows? Maybe then you could even afford a hostel for the night. Luxury!
Join the Tattoo. We’ve heard that the people in the Tattoo sleep in pretty sweet barracks not to far out of town. And if you’re performing in the Tattoo at night, you have MORE than enough time to do your Fringe show at 6pm or earlier! So start learning that bagpipe lassie!
Stay in Leith. Eeuw.
Schalk Bezuidenhout: Keeping Up runs at Gilded Balloon Teviot from August 2nd-27th (excluding 15th), 5pm. Tickets here.
