How To Flirt: STEVE’S 5 TOP TIPS ON GETTING IN THE SACK THIS X-MAS
Images: Alex Lambert
‘Tis the season for a festive flirt. But have you forgotten how? Don’t worry, Steve Porters (Lock Up Ur Daughters) (aka the full rizz version of Daisy Doris May) has all the tips you need for getting the attention of that special someone this December…
Oi oiiii u absolute STUNNAS. If ur readin this n ur a single pringle like me… then congrats. Ur obvs in ur prime n i respect the fact that ur waiting 4 that special 1. If ur readin’ this n ur taken / coupled up / cockblocked by monogamy then f*** off. Lolllz. Only jokin’. U never kno wot cud happen & its never 2 late 2 spice it up. #hoiiii
Welcum 2 my top tips in flirtin’... vibin’... lovin’...
(Hope it gets u a spoon or two.)
Number 1. CONFIDENCE.
Lets start wiv a bit of INTERNAL lovin’.
Q for u. When woz the last time u luked in the mirror n thought YES YES: das me. WOT A VIBE?!
its so important guys, to get flirty wiv ourselves.
The magic starts solo in our bedrooms… (not in that way hoiiii)
HOMEWORK: try repeat these words in the mirror.
“Oi oi. Wot u sayin. Ur a vibe. Ur luvly. Bet ur nice 2 cuddle n that.”
Number 2: EYE CONTACT.
Wen u see a fitty its so easy 2 get nervous n luk the other way. But wot wud happen if u pushed ur limits n held a bit of eye contact??? Try it… n report bk 2 me how it goes.
HOMEWORK: try this on the tube nxt time u see a rite sort. Maybe give her a smile? Try lukin away and then bk again…
(NOTE: careful. Longer than 4.5 secs n it can get weird.)
Number 3: CHAT UP LINES.
Rite. lets just say uv sparked a connection on this tube due to this stunnin eye contact work… now its time 2 level up n go to the nxt stage.
U want somefing memorable… sumfing cute… sumfing spicy even…
Here’s a couple that have worked wiv me recently.
(dont be gutted if they dont work wiv u first time. Ive bin doin this 4 a while n like anything, practice makes perfect)
“Excuse me… Did it hurt wen u fell frm the top of the tree??...”
(pause for a moment - she might say HUH?)
“Coz i kno an angel wen i see one.”
Wots the difference between u n the Grinch?
(pause for a moment - she might say WHAT?)
The Grinch stole xmas. But u stole my heart. Wheyyy.
Alright babe… u mind if i take a quick pic of u….?
(pause for a moment - dont worry if she says NO.)
Ah no worries… I just wanted 2 show santa wots on my list this year…
Number 4: FRESH.
No one likes vintage or butters breath… its time 2 invest in all kinds of methods to be ready just in case u get lucky…
U never kno wot cud happen. Life is so funny like that…
HOMEWORK: Buy polos / smints / wrigleys XTRA / disolvable minty papers / tic tacs… and cherry drops. Spice it up.
Number 5: GET CREATIVE.
CONGRATS. Lets just say u pulled… now its time 2take ur bird on a date.
Fink outside the box off somefink different…
Here’s some ideas 4 u.
☃️ pottery
☃️ cookin classes
☃️ a nite out wiv all of ur m8s. U’ll kno super quick if she is vibin wiv ur crew
☃️ maybe invite her round 2 ur family home 4 mulled wine
☃️ a SCARY movie. (so she mite cuddle up close)
☃️ His & Hers professional 60 min massage. (this can be spenny)
GUD LK GUYS.
Lemme kno how it goes…
Luv u all
Stevo xOx
Get even more tips at How to Flirt: The TED XXX-mas Edition at the Soho Theatre from Dec 14-16th, 10:30pm. Tickets here.
